I am on vacation, so filling in with your predictions for the upcoming two weeks will be a guest psychic and drag queen. Madam X has asked to remain anonymous. Good luck!
ARIES (March 20-April 18)
Gurl, I really didn’t want to start out negative but the cards are the cards. Ten of Wands (Opposition) Five of Swords (Defeat) and Seven of Swords (Hidden Agenda) all are telling me to tell you to watch out. You must feel like you’re a cactus right now because you are surrounded by pricks.
TAURUS (April 19-May 19)
Now is not the time to give up, it’s all coming together for you. Sure, it’s been hard but I always say some of my favorite things are hard. Stick with it. Remember if at first you don’t succeed, suck, suck until you do suck seed.
GEMINI (May 20-June 19)
Thank you for being a friend. Someone is going to come to you for something: might be advice, might be a favor, might be for something a little more valuable like your money. Carefully consider everything before giving it up. Remember, unless you have a sugar daddy, you become broke faster than you become rich.
CANCER (June 20-July 21)
Times have been tough, but as a great woman said, “You made it through the wilderness. Somehow you made it through-oo-oo,” It’s starting to come together for you. Don’t forget how hard you fought, and what you sacrificed. Be proud!
LEO (July 22-August 21)
Separate the truth from the lies, gurl…separate the truth from the lies. I see stability, protection, rewards all coming your way. It’s gonna rain for you! You just have to figure out the truth and tell someone, “If you insist on being two-faced, at least let of those faces be pretty.”
VIRGO (August 22- September 21)
My little Virgo, it’s as plain as his lap on my face: go with the simple answer. Stop overcomplicating things. It’s right in front of you. Once you realize that, victory is yours.
LIBRA (August 22- September 21)
Lately you have seen about as much action as the 9 button on my microwave, but that is all about to change. Big changes are ahead. Make seven is your lucky number during this two week period. Look for “sevens” to lead the way, I always do.
SCORPIO (October 22- November 20)
Someone near you is going through a difficult time. You feel more “mothering” and nurturing than ever. Now is the time to put that bottom to work. Use your bottom-less charm to ease the tension for someone close to you.
SAGITTARIUS (November 21- December 20)
Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. I’m talking about your finances, gurl. If I had a dollar for all the times you tried to save money lately, we’d both have one dollar. Let’s cut back on the spending for a little while. Either that, or you better hope you marry rich.
CAPRICORN (December 21-January 19)
My little Goat, I predict for you the same thing I hear when I’m on stage, “Werk, werk, werk.” It’s all about work for you during this period. Now, an honest day’s work is fine but don’t make it the only thing in your life. They’re just dollars, gurl, not a parent’s love.
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
Who is this man in your life that is holding your future in his hands? Help me out here. It’s someone in authority, and right now they have all the control. My advice, use your “feminine” wiles and charm to win him over. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, baby…unzip more flies that way too.
PISCES (February 19-March 19)
Fish! Some people live and learn… you just live. Stop repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different results. I’ll tell you what I hear sometimes when I’m tipped a dollar, “Change!” Someone new will offer you unsolicited advice. Take it.
<3 <3 <3 I wanted to thank Madam X for filling in for me while I’m away. She wanted to keep her identity secret, but she said in lieu of your thanks please be sure to tip a queen next time you see one. If you'd like to find out more about your future, or request Madam X's return email me: ericXkirby@gmail.com
